Is it possible to remake one's life? My former mother-in-law, a wonderful woman, used to say, nobody every changes, we just get more and more what we are. I want to believe that is not true. I want to believe we can step back from the ways we see, the habits we cling to, the ruts we are in, the ways we ingest and digest, the ways we hold our bodies, the ways we respond to others, the ways we think about ourselves and our lives, the way we write English sentences, and rewrite the software.

What I'm trying to do, at 55, is to ask myself--what man did you expect to be? What did you hope to do with your big life and your daily life? How well are you living up to your dream of yourself?

55 is a kind of magical number. I'm make 66 baring a catastrophe. Whether I make 77 or 88 is a very different question. So I am going to use a numerical coincidence to ask the tough questions before it is too late. It may already be too late.

I've made some big resolutions in the last two days. I won't retail them here until they erase the habits I wish to erase, but I know that it is now or never.

Meanwhile, I am not ready to leave my child and return to North Dakota--but that is inevitable this afternoon.

csj